On Holiday with Stewart
Before I start rambling on about our holiday, there are a couple of things I need to mention:
Firstly, let me introduce you to Stewart. Before Stewart died, he lived in a flat where I work and he wanted his ashes to be scattered in his home country of Scotland. As Mel and I were headed there, we offered to be his taxi service.
Secondly, if the reader can remember, Ethel’s radio was broken, and I was determined not to have to listen to my phone (or Mel snoring) for the entire journey ‘up north’. We had established that it was the aerial which was the problem, but it was too complicated to repair as the whole wing of the van would need to be removed to fix it. Therefore, the plan was to change the radio to one with an aux socket, plug my phone into the radio and using an app, we would have music. Simples!
With amazing advanced planning for a change, I had bought a variety of complicated technology and wires. These included: a new radio (with aux socket), aux cable, HDMI to usb c cable (to connect laptop to tv) and universal radio removal pin things. But as ever, nothing is easy. I removed the radio (I was highly impressed with this bit) and was ready to connect the new one. But alas, that was as far as it got. The new one had different wire connectors.
The long-suffering Mel even took me to Halfords to see if they had an adapter but that failed as the 12-year-old technology ‘expert’ took one look at me and tried to sell me a new radio instead. His plan failed and I left in a mood.
What followed involved at least 6 phone calls to Rory for advice and his wise instructions involved me buying an adapter thingy from Amazon so I could plug my phone and an aux cable into. Then I could plug the other end of the aux cable into some speakers I found in the workshop. Hey presto – we had sound – thanks Rory!
Back to the holiday; as ever, I was awake at stupid o’clock and Mel wasn’t too far behind. We quickly loaded our stuff into Ethel, and I made sure that Stewart was safely stored in one of the external cupboards. I did apologise to him but as we wouldn’t be in Scotland until tomorrow, neither of us wanted him in bed with us.
As it was a 4 ½ hour drive to our first stop in North Yorkshire, we managed to leave at an impressive 7am and planned to beat the traffic on the M25. BBC news was full of ‘travel experts’, informing us that Good Friday would be the busiest on the roads since time began – well at least since the covid restrictions were lifted, with the dreaded M25 being the worst.
So off we went, full of joy and happiness, looking forward to a spectacular 2 weeks on the Isle of Skye – away from the stresses of and work. Surprisingly, we flew down the M3 and on to the M25. The new music system worked a treat and Mel and I were soon singing away, even when we were in the middle of 6 scary motorway lanes. And before we knew it, we were off the M25 and on to a normal motorway – what does Simon Calder know anyway?
Mel fed me starburst (only the orange and lime ones – I don’t like the others) and we were making excellent progress. Sat nav lady was behaving and predicted we would arrive at our destination ahead of schedule, so Mel texted the site and asked if we could arrive early. A positive reply quickly arrived. We stopped for a quick breakfast and Mel even suggested we should ask Stewart what he wanted! I glared at her for her bad taste, and we were quickly back on our way. Of course it then went wrong as we ground to a halt, surrounded by every other vehicle in the UK – I thought they were supposed to be on the M25? The M6 had got us. Mr Calder may have got the motorway wrong, but he was right about the traffic chaos. We crawled along at 2 miles an hour and Mel started to worry about diesel – this quickly became a concern for her for the entire time away.
Back home in the stupid South East, everyone was panic buying diesel which meant there wasn’t any. Mel was worried that it would be the same elsewhere and we would run dry. So, every time Ethel got down to half a tank, she started pointing out garages to stop in – normally just as we flew past.
A 4 ½ hour trip took over 6 hours and by the time we arrived at the site, we were exhausted. When I say ‘site’, I mean small field without showers or loos – when we booked, we hadn’t realised this. Never mind, it was only for 1 night and we had water and a toilet on board. We settled on cheese and crackers for dinner and went to bed at a stupidly early 7.30pm and slept for 10 hours! I hope Stewart slept well too.
We woke up to the glorious sound of lambs bleating. We quickly looked out of the window and there were about 6 very naughty lambs running up and down with a mother sheep chasing them and shouting ‘come back’ to them in sheep language. Now I am sure she wasn’t the mother to all 6 of them – but she was the only one who cared about her offspring. It was a wonderful sight.
We had another 5 ½ hour drive up to Fort William and we wanted to leave early. We didn’t want to wake the other happy campers, but it is difficult trying to be quiet at the crack of dawn. In the end, our efforts were pointless anyway as the whole world could hear Ethel’s engine starting. Regardless of pretty lambs and slumbering neighbours, we were on our way by 8am.
We stopped off for a wee and to buy sausages (can’t have breakfast without sausages!) and when we returned to Ethel, we found the new fandangled music system had broken. How could technology break in the 10 minutes between leaving the van and returning? I blamed Mel as if she hadn’t stopped to buy tombola tickets, I am sure this wouldn’t have happened.
But it had and no matter what I did, the music had died (a bit like Stewart) and I was not impressed. Mel, who is the solver of all problems, quickly nipped into the service station and bought another adapter which thankfully worked. I won’t tell you how much it cost other than it was 3 times the price of the one from Amazon.
Mel’s new technique to avoid falling asleep is to be a tourist guide and using a huge map book, she tracks our journey, announcing where we are and/or notable places nearby. This includes places with funny names – particularly those which are a bit rude! It does get a bit tedious, particularly when she is so focused on the map, she doesn’t hear me ask for another starburst sweet!
The journey was uneventful and before we knew it, we had crossed the border into Scotland. The scenery changed into moors and mountains, and I am sure I heard Stewart sigh with satisfaction.
We did hit some traffic in Glasgow, and we did have a minor row about diesel when Mel started worrying (we had ½ a tank) and I stopped in a garage despite a long queue. But all in all, it was a good journey despite taking over 6 hours. As we drove around Loch Lomond and through the Trossachs, I periodically stopped in laybys to take the first of probably hundreds of photos of scenery. I am sure you know this type of photo. They are the ones which are only interesting to the people who took them and really boring to anyone else.
As enjoyable as the trip was, we remembered that we had a job to do. Stewart needed to be laid to rest. An to be honest, we were keen to do it today and to avoid driving around for the rest of the holiday with his ashes rolling around Ethel. We found a quiet layby on the side of Loch Eil and parked up. Taking wind direction into consideration, we scattered his ashes and said a word or two. I hope Stewart is happy.
We travelled on for a few more miles and after my normal stresshead 10 minutes on arrival, we were quickly parked up with a cup of tea in hand.
Off to the Isle of Skye tomorrow!!
2LadiesTravelling 